Johnny Silverhand walks into a posh bar in New York. He slides
over to the bar and buys a drink next to this rather attractive
salarygirl. They get talking and Johnny eventually works out that
she's a high class joygirl currently between "work".
Johnny's more than curious so he says "What kinda things do you
do and how much would they be?".
The joygirl smiles sweetly and says "I do plenty of things starting
with manual relief, that's a handjob to you rockerboy, for 500eb."
"500eb! You're shitting me." spits Johnny.
"Not so," says the lady, "I'm *very* good at it. You see that Rolls
Royce AV6 is parked outside? I bought that with my pin money."
Johnny shrugs, takes out 500eb from his wallet and the two
disappear to the toilets where the deed is done. Johnny can't
believe it - it's so good his optics are popping outta his head. She's
really that good.
The next night Johnny comes in and the lady is dressed in a
stunningly sharp suit. Being no Mr Smooth, Johnny gets right to
the point - "You where right about the, ummm, manual relief, it was
that good." he says.
The joygirl smiles and says, "Of course. But imagine what I could
do with my tongue then" she purrs.
"How much." whispers Johnny.
"2000 euro."
"What's that 2000 in old money?! No way! Nobody is that good" he
stammers.
The girl smiles and turns to look out of the window. "You see that
office block?". Johnny nods "Well, I bought the penthouse suite
with a few weeks of saving." she continues.
Johnny agrees, hands the cash under the table and they two
perform the deed in the unisex toilets. Johnny is left reeling, his
mind and body singing with pleasure.
The next night Johnny's comes in and he's just gotta sleep with
this woman before he leaves town. If she can do all the other things
that well, she must be pure ecstasy between the sheets.
He buys two drinks, hands one to the lady and they make small
talk. Finally, he asks "So, how much to sleep with you?"
The lady flashes her sexy smile and says "Look out of the window.
What can you see outside?".
Johnny looks and replies "The Manhattern skyline. Some office
towers. The Arasaka Complex.".
"Well," says the joygirl, "I could have bought that a thousand times
over if I really was a woman."
submitted by Richard Harris
Arasaka and Biotechnica decide on a simple competition to decide
the fait of America. Rather than spend billions on arms and
payouts of dead hitmen - they opt for a low key competition. The
competition will be a dog fight to the death in a years time. The dog
can be bred for fighting, but it must not contain any cyberware.
Arasaka spends millions on drug therapy and bioware suping up
the most badassed crackhead pitbull it can find.
The day of the competition is soon upon them and the Arasaka
suits wheel out their killer pooch who is busy chewing through the
toughened steel bars.
The Biotechnica limo opens and a sausage dog clambers out.
The ref's whistle is blown and the corporates release each of their
pets.
The Arasaka hound speeds towards the sausage dog with it's acrid
spittle burning the pitted tarmac. The Biotechnia entry slowly turns
to the ravening monster, opens a *huge* set of jaws and swallows
the beast completely!
Saburo is seething - "8.2 billion euro I spend on that flea investing
mut. 12 months of planning down the crapper." He turns to the
Biotechnia suit "What the hell did you implant your dog with?" he
asks.
The suit just shrugs, "Nothing, but we did spend 2.3 million euro on
plastic surgery to make a crocodile look just like a sausage dog".
submitted by Richard Harris
"Why does nobody likes the cops?" asked one Edgerunner to another.
"Well," said the other, "First of all it's because of subjective psychological
intolerance based mainly on social prejudices. Secondly it's because all cops
are weenies!"
submitted by Vlad Larin
One time two Fixers met one another at the Street and one Fixer
noticed that another one was sad.
- Why are you so sad? - asked he.
- Yesterday, - answered Fixer 2, - I found a genie and he fulfilled my
wish.
- And what was your wish? - asked first Fixer again.
- I wished to be so wealthy as Saburo Arasaka is.
- Wow! So why are you sad?
- Don't you know that yesterday Arasaka was dissolved following the fourth corporate war?
submitted by Vlad Larin
One day Edgerunner sat down on the Street and began to poke in his
nose. Young Solo came to him and began to boast:
- Hey, Choombah, look on my new Magnum Opus HellBringer .666! It's the
best handgun in the Night City!
..silence..
- Hey, boy, look on my exclusive Metal Gear with all options! You'll
never see such a thing again!
..silence..
- OK, Choombah, I've got newly designed cyberware allowing me to jump
20 meters in one leap! This thing was designed for Morgan BlackHand
himself! Look on me!
Then Edgerunner said:
- So far, so good, smartboy. But I'm the most refined person in the
whole Night City, - and he continued to poke in his nose.
submitted by Vlad Larin
The Nomad knocked to the Gates Of Heaven and the sleepy angel appeared:
- What do you want, choombah?
- Hey, what's the point of question? Of course, I want to go to Heaven!
- Stop, what did you do in your life, if you're trying to enter Heaven?
- Well, one time I saw two Boosters taking money from the lady's bag. I
came to them and hit one to his face!
- Wow, man, you're really good being. And when did this happen? - asked
the angel.
- Hmmm... - the Nomad looked on his watch, - approximately two minutes
ago.
submitted by Vlad Larin
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